Alone and (a Half) in "Paradise".

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade, or accuse anyone of anything. I'm just trying to get my feelings out of my head and chronicle baby/pregnancy happenings. Honestly.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


This baby shower thing is REALLY upsetting me. I don't know if I'm going to have one. I don't know who would throw it for me. You're not supposed to throw your own. If I could, without looking bad, I would. Then it wouldn't worry and upset me so much, because I wouldn't have to wonder if I have any friends that are close enough to WANT to have one for me. I wish I was home. I *know* I have friends there, and I know SOMEONE would care enough to offer. I've had an acquaintance or two say "I'll make sure SOMEONE throws you a shower" but am I supposed to bank on that?

Am i SUPPOSED to ask someone to throw me a shower? Someone PLEASE tell me if that's the case, it would take away lot of worry and stress. I feel so stupid. And friendless... I have plenty of "friends" here, I guess, but I don't have a best friend. I miss Charleston SO BADLY right now. We could have a big ol' pig pickin' or rent the deck of a restaurant like Creekside, and it'd be fun and beautiful, overlooking the marsh and water and people would come and celebrate the baby. Nice dream, huh?

I also don't know WHEN it would be. There are two ladies from our boat due to have their babies soon AFTER I am, and one of their showers is going to be in late August or September! They have their reasons, which are perfectly valid, but it makes me feel even more left out. They're already planning it. I don't even know if I'm going to HAVE a shower. It's really hurting my stupid feelings and really upsetting me that they're already planning it (out loud and in front of everybody). It's probably just my hormones going crazy, but I've been crying for almost 45 minutes about it. I guess the only shower I'm having is the kind created by my face. Ha. Ha.

I don't know what to do, or what I can possibly say... Or who I'd say it to. I don't know what to do to fix this so it won't asplode me anymore.