Watching The Business of Being Born. It's informative, it's interesting, and it's scaring the daylights out of me.
I don't want to do this anymore. It's going to hurt. It's scary. I really don't know if I can do this... Have a baby. Who's idea was this? (David shut up.) The more I learn about the process and options and everything that childbirth entails, the more it seems like a damned if you do, damned if you don't (have the drugs) deal.
All of the information that I've read/learned/watched/discussed so far has strongly indicated that drugs beget drugs.
Epidurals tend to slow contractions, reduce the rate at which labor progresses. So they give you Pitocin, which brings on harder, quicker contractions (which hurt more than at a normal non-induced progression). And round and round it goes.
Or: Pitocin first, epidural for the increased pain.
Quicker, harder contractions aren't very good for the baby (who isn't built for the new rate of progression), more complications arise, fetal distress, So woosh, you're off to have a C-section (where there can be MORE complications), and then there's more anesthesia, and then you're all drugged up and baby's drugged up (because baby gets his/her drugs from drugged up mama).
Drugged up mamas and babies can have difficulties breast feeding, among other things.
Or;
Natural: Labor progresses (or doesn't) on its own. Still hurts. Might take longer, without the harder, faster, progression of drugs. Still gonna hurt. Gonna HURT.
Seriously, it's going to hurt.
Does knowing ahead of time that it's going to hurt help? Help what? Help it not hurt? No. I guess it could help you feel more in control of what's happening, instead of just having various doctors and nurses plugging you into this IV, and here's this drug, and that drug.
Ugh. I'm not doing a very good job explaining myself or reasoning one side against another, or even particularly expanding on everything involved in either method of birth.
I'm not opening this up for debate, or asking for anyone's opinion/story/sympathies right now. All I know is that as of tonight, I don't want to do this anymore, I take it back, and I quit. Out of fear.
::sigh:: If only.
Why didn't I listen to my teenage self? That girl was CERTAIN of adoption, because she knew that pregnancy and childbirth were scary scary things. I'm a little sad to think that I was smarter at 13 than I was at 23 when we decided to stop preventing babies.
